On Thursday afternoon Mum and I went shopping. Well what else should two Mosman principessas do when they are feeling sad? We went to this great little shop and a woman who must be the love child of Prue&Trude and Patsy from AbFab zhooshed me well and truly.
First she enquired if we had an unlimited bank account a our disposal (we did not). She smiled bravely and carried on.
First she tried me in some lovely linen. Think Jemima Goldsmith on holidays in Marrakech. Except that I'm probably about two feet shorter than Jemima and so instead of looking willowy and elegant I looked short and crumpled. hmmm.
The amazing Ann tried again. "Darling, I think it's time for the Mela, and something in Kalamata." I smiled and awaited my destiny in the change room. Ann swooshed towards me with an armful of garments and in no time I was transformed into a Mosman yummy mummy (sans the bugaboo and attitude). I listened carefully to her sage advice, "it's all about the ruching, darling!" nodding as she imparted her wisdom. She bravely turned a blind eye to my very hairy legs and my hobbit feet.
The Kalamata was working (and so good for those people whose toddlers like chocolate) but the suggestion of an aqua shift was rejected on the grounds that it was my sister in law's colour (she too has been zhooshed by Ann). A 'melon' shift (pink!) was suggested and we were happy. Actually I think Ann was ecstatic. She swept off to find some beads with which to accessorise the ensemble. She hurtled back towards us clutching some dinosaur design beads, the colour of which she said was so perfect that it made her nauseous!
Mum and I were laughing our heads off and having a wonderful time as she whisked me out of the change rooms in search of matching earrings. She stood back to admire her handiwork and ordered me to "pull your stomach in - shoulders back - FABULOUS!'
Then white jeans were suggested (yes, for me the mother of a toddler with the aforementioned chocolate fetish). "Machine washable darling - don't worry about it." Added to the white jeans was a white shift. I falteringly suggested that this seemed like a lot of white but was informed that you can never wear too much white. Just to humour me though a lightweight jersey hoodie was conjured up and added to the mix. It was the colour of lime splice and I was ready to hate it, but it looked marvellous.
In the meantime other shoppers were glancing enviously at us getting the full Ann treatment. One woman tried to cut in but only got a few hints, not the avalanche of wisdom that we were treated too. Another woman requested a size 12 pant, but when the sales assistant went out to the shop to get the requested size she was told that the lady was a 14 and never a 12.
Mum and I had such a fun time and the amazing Ann was so hilarious, it took our minds off everything and I got a couple of new outfits too. Fabulous Darling!